The issue of sex in relationship has become rampant these days. So many are
confused on how to go about it. Some have yielded in due to pressure,
others are saying no but they are confused if they are doing the right
thing, while others have held their stance for sexual purity until
Of recent, I have been getting more complaints on this issue of no sex /yes
sex in relationship. It is out of these complaints that I came up with this
topic so as to address it generally.
Here is one of the issues from my inbox.
“For some time now, anytime we meet and gist with my fiance at the end he
will be demanding for sex
Of which I let him know since the very beginning of the relationship no
sex till after our wedding
I always deny him of it and he blamed me for the stomach ache he his going
Same thing happened on Saturday and he refused to pick my call he said that
he’s angry……..I called him severally yesterday he refused to pick and
send me a message saying that,since I cannot sacrifice for him I should
stop pretending that I love him!!
I really love him and am not ready to give out my virginity just like that,
what will I do?”
I brought this issue into this so that, if you are passing through such
now, you will know that you are not alone.
Let’s highlight some questions :
1. WHAT WAS YOUR STANCE ON SEX FROM THE BEGINNING?
AN AGREEMENT IS AN AGREEMENT. At the beginning of the relationship, what
was your stance about sex? Did you make it clear that there wont be sex?
Or you told your partner that let’s start first, as times goes on, if I
can trust you I will give you sex?
When we are talking about taking a stance. It means, that you ought to tell
your partner in clear terms that this relationship is void of sex till
marriage can you cope with me, because I won’t change my mind on the way.
With this, the other person will know that you are serious. But most of
you don’t talk in clear terms. You paint it so that you won’t lose that
person, especially when you are in love already.
Amos 3:3 says two can’t work together except they agreed. So, the first
step is to take a stand so that both of you can be united in what you want
from the relationship.
You might be asking within you, What if you both agreed on no sex but your
partner later change mind as the relationship goes deeper.?
Yes it’s very possible for both to agree and one to derail as time goes on.
My question for you will lead us to point 2..
2. WHAT WENT WRONG?
YES! both of you agreed on NO SEX, my question is : what went wrong??
The other partner cannot just wake up one morning and say he/she needs sex.
What went wrong. What are you doing when you are together??
What kind of chat do you people engaged on?
How do you dress up whenever you go to visit your partner? Are you
looking hot and sexy?
What kind of movies do you watch together? etc
Listen, many people often say that they engage in kissing, smooching, sex
chat, mutual masturbation etc. But they don’t have sex. How can you be
engaging in foreplay without knowing that it will end up in sex one day?
Proverbs 6:27 Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be
You cant be saying no sex and you are advertising sex through other means.
Another aspect is, are you tired of waiting? Have you backslided from the
faith? Are you being pressured to do it?
**What really went wrong,can you take time to think deeply on why the
sudden change of mindset?**
All of these questions, you should ask yourself and give your self a
sincere answer. There is no solution without identifying the cause of the
Having pondered on what went wrong, the next question is:
3. HOW OFTEN DOES IT HAPPEN?
If your partner ask you for sex on rare occasion it can be seen as a
temptation. I mean after asking you, and you say know, if he/she apologises
that it won’t happen again, it was just a temptation, then you will know
he/she might have been drawn to the lust of the flesh. But when your
partner keep pressuring you for sex, and keep telling you that if you
don’t give them sex that means you don’t love them, just know that they are
not in Love with you, but they are in Lust with your body. From such
persons FLEE! YOU KNOW WHY?
IF YOU GIVE THAT SEX FOR LOVE, BE READY TO GIVE IT CONTINUOUSLY, BECAUSE
THE DAY YOU STOP THAT IS THE DAY THE LOVE WILL END.
Here is my reply to the lady @the issue I posted earlier on..
[, 10:17 PM] Mrs Josephine Aremo: If your guy has requested for it because
he is tempted to, I would understand, but quarreling with you about it and
saying that if you don’t give him you don’t love him, shows he is not in
*LOVE WITH YOU BUT IN LUST*
he just wants to be the one to deflower you and have that ego to his name.
Love is not sex, and sex is not love. If you give him sex to prove your
love, be ready to give him over and over again until he will get tired of
you and face Someone else. While you end up used .
The Bible say DO NOT CAST YOUR PEARLS FOR SWINE.
VIRGINITY ONCE LOST CAN NEVER BE GOTTEN BACK. AS SUCH IT NEEDS TO BE
PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS.
IT SHOULDN’T BE GIVEN FOR LOVE OUTSIDE MARRIAGE BECAUSE THE BIBLE ALREADY
WARNED US TO FLEE FORNICATION.
*IT DIDN’T SAY YOU CAN FORNICATE (HAVE SEX OUTSIDE MARRIAGE) FOR LOVE… *
• • • •
BACK TO THE ARTICLE.
LET ME TELL YOU THIS.
*If your partner repeatedly tries to pressure you into having sex, the
relationship is probably not worth it. Respect is important in a romantic
relationship and you should not waste your time dating someone who doesn’t
_Be careful! Sometimes people get violent when you say no because they
think they have a right to your body. It is YOUR body! They have no right!_
NOW that we have talked about how often is the sex, I want to ask YOU I
mean U that is reading right now:
Why don’t you even wanna have sex??
That leads us to the next point.
4. WHY DON’T YOU WANT SEX??
There are different reasons why people keep their virginity. Some keep it
because they are yet to fall in love, some keep it because they can’t bear
the pains of sex for the first time. Others keep it because they want to
give it out when they get to a particular age, some keep it because God
commanded it. Tell yourself the truth, why are you saying no to sex?
One thing is to know why you don’t want sex, another thing is how tangible
is that reason.
** Any other reason apart from God’s commandment on sexual purity, is not
worth it***. Every other reason will expire as soon as that need is met.
But that godly reason backed up by grace and the power of the Holy Spirit
is more lasting.
I asked the lady in the issue of focus the following questions :
[, 10:21 PM] Mrs Josephine Aremo: 1. *Why are you keeping your virginity?*
2. *Why do you want to lose your virginity??*
3. Is it really important to you??
4. What if he dumps you after sex??
5. What if you get pregnant on the first sex???
[ 10:28 PM] :
1: My virginity is my pride.
2: I really don’t want to lose my virginity.
3: Very precious to me and my future testimony.
5:I will kill myself
After I asked her those questions, I told her not to answer immediately.
She slept over it and gave her reply.
Am still asking you those questions, ponder on them.
1, WHAT WAS YOUR STANCE ON SEX FROM THE BEGINNING?
2. WHAT WENT WRONG?
3. HOW OFTEN IS THE SEX REQUEST?
4. WHY DON’T YOU WANT SEX?
5. HOW SHOULD YOU HANDLE IT?
The Lady came to me with a burden, but after she has had a deep thought via
our conversation, she became composed and she took a drastic decision. God
Here is her reply
[, 10:03 AM] Morning ma, am not going back nor giving out my pride.
: I don’t care if he exists or not
[5/14, 10:26 AM] I would rather lose the relationship than my pride.
[ 1:30 PM] Mrs Josephine Aremo: 👏👏👏
I encourage you to stand by It till the person that will appreciate you and
love you truly will Come
I want you all to know that IT IS BETTER TO FAIL MAN, AND PLEASE GOD,
RATHER THAN THE OPPOSITE.
THEREFORE, OBEY THE COMMANDMENT OF GOD TO THE LATER.
,5. HOW SHOULD YOU HANDLE IT SEXUAL CONFLICTS?
1. Communicate effectively
2. Never feel obligated to have sex
3. Be firm in your decision
4 . Have good character
5. Self Confidence
Above all, love and honor God in your relationship.
HAVE YOU ACCEPTED JESUS AS YOUR PERSONAL SAVIOR?
PLEASE DO SO NOW, HIM ALONE CAN SEE YOU THROUGH LIFE JOURNEY.
® Mrs Josephine Aremo
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